


Ghosts

by cecania



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Post Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 21:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12826542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecania/pseuds/cecania
Summary: It's been a few days since the talk on the docks and it's going as well as Julian expects. But he didn't expect to see her again so soon.





	Ghosts

 

            Staring down into his drink, Julian pursed his lips as he swirled the alcohol around. And around. So much for not thinking about it. Drinking wasn’t exactly the best escape since the curse meant he recovered from whatever drunken buzz he attempted before it completely took hold. But he’d wanted to try, again, to see if this time was different. He knew it wouldn’t be, but he was desperate to do anything to quell the ache inside him. The ache he had caused.

            His mouth twisted and he took another drink. He’d made the only choice he had, the right one. But it wasn’t exactly easy. It wasn’t easy to walk away from the woman who had so easily integrated into his routine in a handful of encounters. He didn’t even understand how that had happened. Veera had only come into his life, what, three, four days ago? Or rather he had crashed into hers, breaking into her shop not once but twice. Although was it really breaking in if he’d had a key?

            Oh, the look on her face when he’d put that key in her hand. The little line that had formed between her brows as she’d stared at it, the downward tilt to her mouth as she’d compared it to the one on her key ring. They’d both given way to a wry smile when he’d tried to get around her to leave and she’d shifted slightly, just enough to make it hard not to bump into her. Which he had, not on purpose…maybe a little on purpose.

            Groaning, he set the stein down and pushed his hands against his face. The heel of one palm dug into his eye, making stars burst across it. Why? Why did everything keep coming back to her? Was it because he still saw her in the market and couldn’t go to her? Was it because the polite smile on her face when their eyes met wasn’t anything like the broad grin she’d given him so many times? Was it because he’d brought this pain on himself and wanted nothing to do with it?

            “Ilya, stop.”

            His hands were gently tugged away from his face and he blinked to try to clear his gaze. Not that it mattered, he knew who it was. “Mazelinka,” he rasped, “game not going well?”

            “If you’d been paying attention, you’d know I wasn’t playing tonight.”

            His eye was finally clear enough for him to see the older woman as she stood beside his table. But that didn’t make him feel any better. If she wasn’t playing, it meant she was still keeping an eye on him. He hadn’t asked her to but she’d been doing it since he’d come to her home that night, unwilling to talk about what had happened. She’d figured it out anyways when Veera hadn’t come back with him over the last few days and his mood hadn’t improved much.

            “Don’t,” she said before he could even say anything. “Ilya, don’t. You’re doing yourself no favours doing this.”

            Julian sighed and lifted his drink to finish it. They’d already had this conversation, several times, and it ended the same way. “I’m not doing her any favours being in her life,” he said lowly. “This is better.”

            “For who?” Mazelinka demanded, taking the cup from him as he kept staring at it. “You’re a miserable wreck without her.”

            “I was a miserable wreck before I ever met her,” he countered.

            He could feel the weight of her stare without even looking up. “Ilya.”

            “No,” he said, finally raising his head. “I’ve made my decision.”

            “In haste,” she stressed. “You said it yourself, you haven’t felt as at ease around anyone in years. You can’t throw all of that away on an if that may never come to pass.”

            If there was one thing Mazelinka excelled in, it was getting him to tell her things he didn’t mean to. Like nearly all of the conversation he’d had with Veera on the dock. It was private and personal and she knew every word he’d said. “I will hurt her.” _And hate myself all the more for it when it happens._

            She stared hard at him for another long moment. “Haven’t you already?” she asked before walking away with his cup in hand.

            That was not something he wanted to think about. He’d seen the shock on her face that she’d swiftly covered when he’d finally told her what he’d been trying to all day. It had been the only indication that he had truly caught her off guard and…. “Idiot,” he muttered to himself, shoving his hands through his hair. He was a fool if he thought he hadn’t hurt her walking away like he had.

            But she hadn’t let him see it. She’d gone along with him, only asking for a bit more time with him that he’d been helpless to deny. How could he when he didn’t want to actually walk away from her? Everything in him had screamed for one more, to have another kiss or touch or _something_ that would last him through the long nights to come. So he’d taken what she’d offered before he’d realised that unless he stopped, neither of them were ever going to leave that dock. But even if she’d hidden it well, even if she hadn’t pushed back, he knew he’d hurt her.

            Grinding his teeth, Julian flopped back in the seat and stared at the ceiling. This was going about as well as he’d expected but he’d hoped…. No. Hope was foolish in this situation, in _his_ situation.

            He jumped when something thumped onto the table and stared at Mazelinka. A flush rose on his skin as he saw the tankard, refilled, before him. “You don’t have to take care of me,” he said quietly.

            “Someone has to,” she huffed, patting his shoulder.

            Julian slumped into himself as she walked away. He didn’t want someone to take care of him. He was an adult and perfectly capable of doing that himself. Even if it didn’t seem like it at times. He was fine. He would be fine. He had to be fine.

            The door of the tavern opened noisily but when the barkeep called out a greeting what tension had crept between his shoulders faded. No need for alarm. Not about that at least. Everything else in his life?

            He reached for his drink, shaking his head. No. He’d come here for a reason. Vesuvia was the best place to find Asra and the only place he was going to get answers. If he could focus, he’d be able to get back on track and-

            Blinking as his cup was snatched from his hand, a weird sense of déjà vu swept over Julian as a blur of bright colours settled across the booth from him. He heard the rapid drinking, the heavy sigh that followed, but he didn’t look up. The colours might have been a blur but the telltale jingle of a bracelet told him exactly who was there. “...Veera?” he asked slowly.

            She hummed and he heard her drink again.

            He peeked up through his hair and felt his heart thump. Maybe it was his heart. It might have been his stomach bottoming out at the sight of her. Which was silly. He’d seen her plenty of times and he couldn’t really see her, not with both of her hands wrapped around the stein and the bottom of the cup blocking her face.

            Definitely his heart, he realised as she dropped the now empty mug down to the table and inhaled deeply. “Fuck,” she said, “I didn’t mean to finish it. I’m sorry. I’ll get you another one.”

            “What are you doing here?”

            She froze on the seat and looked at him, not at all helping whatever was happening inside his chest. They hadn’t been this close since that night. He’d only seen her across the market or at a distance and she was close enough he could see the dark freckles on her skin. He’d counted them while she’d dozed beside him, mapping imaginary constellations and-“I needed to talk to you,” Veera said, snapping him out of the memory.

            “Me?” he asked, frowning. “Why me?”

            Her tongue snaked across her lips but the way her gaze darted away diminished whatever he might have felt seeing it. “Because.”

            “That isn’t an answer, Veera.” Julian sighed, leaning back in the booth in a vain attempt to put some distance between the two of them.

            She still didn’t look at him, pushing out her cheeks before she seemed to deflate. “Look,” she said quietly, “I know you said we were over and I’m respecting that as best I can but right now...you’re the only one I can talk to about this to make it make sense.”

            That couldn’t be true. She had everyone at the palace practically at her beck and call and he’d heard rumours that Asra was back. She could have talked to any of them yet she was coming to him? “You haven’t even said what it is you want to talk about.”

            A long, uneasy noise left her and she looked down at the cup. “I don’t know if I’m drunk enough to talk about it seriously,” she muttered, pushing out of the booth.

            Julian watched her walk toward the bar, remembering the apprehension on her face the first time they’d been here together. She didn’t show any of it now, winding through the crowd like she came here every night. But something was off about her. Every other time he’d seen her fresh from the palace, she’d been full of life and shining. Not this time. She was on edge.

            A small part of him knew he should leave. Being around her wasn’t going to be good for his resolve. Even this short time was causing his heart to dance frantically behind his ribs, the ache he’d felt over the last few days shifting into a new one. No, the old one he’d gotten when he’d seen her. This wasn’t good. He knew every exit out of the Raven. He could be gone before she even knew he’d stood up. He should go. He needed to go.

            He didn’t budge as he watched her stand on the tips of her toes to point at a bottle behind the bar, laughing at something the barkeep said. No. She’d sought him out for a reason and he needed to know what it was. This wouldn’t change anything.

            He stayed silent as she came back to the table, two steins in hand. Accepting the one she held out to him, he watched her as she sat across from him. “What’s going on, Veera?” he asked when she drained half of hers immediately. “Why come to me?”

            She licked her lips again and blinked at him. “Because you’re a doctor, a man of science.”

            Was this some kind of medical issue? He couldn’t help the quick look, the fast search for some sign of what was wrong. But other than the beginnings of dark circles under her eyes, she seemed as healthy as ever. “Are you sick?” he asked anyways.

            “No,” she said slowly. “It’s more the science part that I’m interested in right now.”

            “Because?” Julian prompted when she fell silent.

            Her nose wrinkled and she drank again.

            Reaching across the table, he took the mug from her, ignoring her protesting squawk. “Veera, ask your question.”

            That line was back between her brows and he saw her lower lip start to push out in a pout. The look vanished with a huff as she shook her head. “I didn’t believe Bronwynn when she told me,” she muttered. “It was stupid. It couldn’t be real. _They_ aren’t real. I know they aren’t. They can’t be. But now I’m not sure and everyone I know knows too much about magic, about all the weird shit in life so I can’t trust them to give me an honest answer about this.”

            Julian tried not to gawk at her. She might have started with a mutter but her voice had gotten louder and faster the more she’d talked. Not that she’d made much sense or told him what she was even talking about. “Veera, my dear, you’re not making sense.”

            She frowned at him. “Are you supposed to call me that anymore?”

            He tensed but forced himself to relax. “It’s nothing special.” No! That wasn’t what he’d meant and he realised his mistake when he saw her pull back a little, blinking. “That’s not-Veera, wait, listen-”

            “No, that’s not why I’m here,” she cut in, waving her hand dismissively. “You made yourself clear and I’m muddling everything up. Or maybe that’s the alcohol. I don’t know. But it’s not important.”

            Except it was because she was special and important. But he bit his tongue to keep from saying that.

            Dragging her hands down her face, she groaned before dropping them on the table and leaning forward. “Look, science is about facts, right? About what we can see and know, right?”

            “Ah, more or less, yes.”

            “So if there’s not a logical explanation for something, it’s not real?”

            “There’s no logical explanation for magic yet that’s real.”

            “Julian, no, that’s not helping,” she said, shaking her head.

            “Fine, it’s about facts. Are you going to tell me what this conversation is about?”

            “Ghosts aren’t real, are they?”

            It was his turn to pull away again and he smacked into the back of the booth at the harsh motion. A small hiss left him as a muscle voiced its opinion on that but he waved Veera’s concern aside as she stared at him with big eyes. “Ghosts?” he asked, keeping his voice steady. “You came down from the palace to a tavern on the other side of town to ask me about ghosts?”

            “Bronwynn and Asra will just say that they’re real! They can’t be real! They can’t be!”

            Was that...panic in her voice? “Of course he’d say they were real.”

            Somehow her eyes got bigger. “You think they’re real? But you’re a doctor! What about what science says?”

            That was definitely panic. “I never said I think that they’re real, I am a doctor, and science would prove they don’t exist.”

            She shook her head. “No, no, no. You weren’t supposed to think they’re real because then they’re probably real and I can deal with a lot of things but _not that._ ”

            “Veera, you have magic,” he stressed. “Ghosts shouldn’t bother you.”

            She gaped at him before making a garbled sound. “Excuse me? I’m supposed to just be okay with creepy, beyond the grave things coming into my life? Because I have magic? Where does it say that I’m supposed to be okay with any of that?”

            Not the right thing to say. Again. “I meant you shouldn’t have a problem with them in that you can deal with them.”

            “You do think they’re real!”

            “Shh!” he said when she practically wailed it. “Veera, what is going on? Why would ghosts even matter right now?”

            “There’s one in the palace!” she said, leaning further over her hands and staring at him. “I hadn’t seen it but Bronwynn did. That first night I came here. Not that I came here on purpose. I only did because you pulled me out of that barrel, thank you by the way. I don’t know if I said that. But the dogs were gone so she went up and she saw the ghost or heard it or something I don’t remember. I didn’t want to listen to her. Ghosts weren’t supposed to be real and Bronwynn is strange sometimes. I thought she might have just been pulling my chain. But she wasn’t because I _saw_ it!”

            Julian rubbed his temples, trying to pick words out of what she had just said. She’d mentioned Bronwynn before, a healer brought in a year ago to treat some illness the Countess had had and someone that had become a friend. Their first night at the tavern and thanks he didn’t need. Then...ghosts and seeing them?

            “I didn’t want to see it. I don’t even want to think about it but it won’t go away now. I keep seeing it every time I close my eyes and I don’t want to. I don’t want it to be real.”

            His hands fell, reaching across the table to grip her wrists. “Breathe, Veera,” he told her. “You’re going to pass out if you don’t.”

            Her breaths kept coming in fast hiccups, small gulps of air that weren’t helping her. He held onto her, keeping his own breathing as steady as he could and waiting for her to mimic him. It was impossible to ignore the trembles he could feel running through her now that he was touching her. His thumbs made small circles against her, trying to soothe her in any way he could.

            It took longer than he expected for her to take a normal breath. Then another. Her shoulders sank and her gaze fell to the table but she continued to breathe at a better rate. “Julian, please, tell me ghosts aren’t real,” she pleaded weakly.

            He would have given anything to tell her the lie she desperately wanted but…. “We both know they are.”

            A shudder wracked her and she pulled her arms away from him to wrap them around herself. “Shit,” she whispered.

            Leaning back, he watched her process that and took a drink. He’d tried not to entertain the thought of what their first conversation would be after that last one but this was…. “Veera, I’m sorry.”

            “It’s not your fault,” she sighed. “I mean, you didn’t make the goat ghost.”

            Julian blinked, pulling back further. “What?”

            “Is that even right?” she muttered, frowning at the table. “Is it a ghost goat? Goat ghost? Just a ghost in the shape of a goat? Who’d even want to be a goat?”

            Coldness crept over Julian, leaching the warmth from him every time she said goat. It spread through his chest and made him tremble this time. “A goat?” he pushed out. “This ghost you’re seeing is shaped like a goat?”

            “That sounds stupid now that I hear it,” she said, wrinkling her nose again. “But...yes?”

            _Don’t react. It isn’t real. It can’t be real._

            “It walks on two legs and talks so it’s not really a goat,” she continued. “It’s missing its right arm. Wait, goats don’t have arms. But it’s missing that...appendage?”

            His breath wheezed out of him and Veera’s head snapped up.

            “Julian?”

            “What else?” he pushed out. _Don’t say it. Do not say it._

            Her eyes darted over his face before she whispered, “If it’s really real...it’s probably the ghost of Count Lucio.”

            “Ghosts aren’t real.”

            Veera blinked at him and heat filled his face. The words had slipped out of him, an automatic response to what she had said. “Julian?”

            He shook his head, planting his hands on the table and telling himself his legs weren’t shaking as he pushed himself up. She was still staring at him, hurt and confusion joining the surprise. “Lucio is dead, Veera. Beyond the shadow his memory still casts on the city and my life, he’s gone,” he insisted.

            “But you just….”

            “You’re right. Science is about facts and there are no facts proving that ghosts are real.”

            “You said they were,” Veera said in a small voice.

            “The alcohol,” he lied, hating the words as they slipped off his tongue. “Magic can make you see a lot of things, Veera. Not all of it is actually there.”

            “Julian,” she protested, starting to push out of her seat as he took a step away.

            “No, Veera.” His voice trembled a little when she stopped. “It was good to see you but you shouldn’t have come here.”

            She sank back into the booth, not saying anything and the hurt in her eyes gutted him.

            It took everything in him to walk away, to not turn back and tell her he was sorry. He didn’t mean it. It was a lie. He’d encountered things science couldn’t explain more than once, even if he tried not to think about them. He _knew_ that ghosts were a very real possibility but this one?

            He stumbled into the alley beside the tavern, going deep enough that he wouldn’t be easy to see. Slumping back against the wall, he pressed a hand to his mouth. He didn’t know whether he wanted to scream or laugh hysterically. Lucio’s ghost? Of all the things...of course he wouldn’t stay dead. He couldn’t ever do anything that someone wanted him to. And wasn’t it fitting that he came back as the damn goat.

            Sinking to the cobblestones, he choked on the noise-definitely a scream-that tried to leave him and curled into himself. He could forget about the ghost, Lucio, for now but that look on Veera’s face before he walked away was going to haunt him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a quick one shot and like everything I write it exploded beyond what I was expecting. Bronwynn belongs to the ever amazing juuneaux on tumblr and thanks for always letting me play with your babs, Luci. Even if Veera did hurt her feelings not believing her D:


End file.
